Life is Good

Well, we’ve finally whined and moaned our way through another winter. The barrage of complaints were routinely monotonous.

“My goodness, but its cold out there.”

“Can you believe this weather?”

“Not another snow fall!”

“It’s May already!”

“This is ridiculous!”

“I’ve lived in this country forever and I can’t recall a colder or longer winter.”

I’m sure, over the winter, you heard those comments and more.

And as we complained we convinced ourselves that with the arrival of warm weather all concerns would be taken care of and we’d be 100% happy. How could we not be? The sun finally providing enough warmth to turn the landscape green, the ability to walk around town without fear of hitting a patch of ice and ending up on your bottom, and going outside without five pounds of clothing.

How could we be anything other than 100% content?

But wait a minute. The sun is out. The temperature has reached the 20+ mark. And amazingly there are annoyances. Different annoyances to those suffered in the ice and snow but annoyances nonetheless.

Cyclists. They are under the illusion that they can keep up to the traffic and therefore ride right in the middle of the traffic lane. They peddle like mad but still you end up on their heels trying to get around them so that you can go faster than 20 kilometers per hour. Finally the traffic abates and you scoot around the biker, often in the oncoming lane, and with relief you speed away only to be stopped in short order by a traffic light. As you sit at the end of a line of cars, who goes sailing triumphantly by on the shoulder? When the traffic starts moving again you get to try to pass him all over again. So much fun!

Bird shit. Every other day I have to clean off a new batch of bird splats. For some reason my vehicle seems to be the toilet of choice. I never see a drop on my neighbor’s 1998 Toyota. Just my beautiful, new, blue Lincoln. It is particularly provoking to have a nice juicy offering right in the middle of my over-sized sunroof. Perfect!

Pedestrians. Can they cross the street any slower?

That damn grass must be on steroids. If I have to mow one more time this week I’m going to move to a condo or maybe get a goat.

“Achoo!” I can’t believe it but I swear my hay fever gets worse each year.

«Bzzz».  Swat,  «Buzz», Swat.  «Ouch!  Look at me! I’m covered in bites.  I look like I’ve got the Measles.»   That salesman swore that no mosquito would come within 50 feet of that thing.  Some bug zapper.  Some one got zapped all right but it wasn’t the bugs.  Zapped to the tune of $200 big ones.

“Turn on the Weather Channel.  I wonder when will we get the first snow?”